Finally, an update

Not sure if anyone pays attention to this blog any more or not, but I figured I'd update it, just in case. Let's see, where to begin. Well, two blog posts back, I talked about being happy. I am happy now, but things certainly have changed since that posting.

The girl I was very fond of is really no longer a part of my life. We were just at different places in our lives, so it didn't work out. There is a new lady in my life, however. I decided to give eHarmony a shot after the last relationship ended, and I'm really glad I did. I met one woman, and that didn't feel like a good fit. I then went out with another lady, and we hit it off instantly. We've been out several times and we talk daily. I really feel at ease when I'm with her and I feel like she is feeling the same way. Hopefully things will continue to progress in that area.

Work is going well. I'm getting more and more responsiblities and I feel like I'm an important part of the team now. I also got a new office chair this week, so who can complain about that?

I went to Ohio for a visit the first week of April. It was nice to spend time with my dad, brother and a lot of extended family. It was also good to visit my mom's gravesite a couple of times. I'm still amazed at how beautiful the headstone turned out. It is perfect for her.

Finally, I'm about to move into my own apartment. I've been staying with my friends since I came back to Texas last May and it was time to move on. I'm moving to Euless the first week of May. It is a great one bedroom apartment, with an attached garage! I've finished getting furniture, washer/dryer, cable/internet and electricity, so now all I have to do is wait. I'm so excited - I really love it.

So, that's it for me right now. Everything is going in the right direction.

Happy New Year!

I know I haven't posted in a while. Been pretty busy. I hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas. I enjoyed both holidays with friends this year, as I was unable to return to Ohio for either. Tonight is New Year's Eve and I will be celebrating with a great group of friends.

The holidays have been hard in some ways. Of course, it was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mom. It was also my first time to spend the holidays without any of my family. I'm so lucky to have the friends I do here.

My mom's birthday would have been Dec. 29. In some ways that day was harder than the others. That was her day - not a holiday celebrated by all. I had some pretty hard times that day.

Today is the one year anniversary of my grandfather's death, and tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my mom's death. It is in some ways so hard to believe it has been a year, but in other ways, it seems like an eternity. Not a day goes by where I don't want to just pick up the phone and talk to her or give her a big hug. One day!

Happy New Year to you all and all my best for a great 2012!

- C

I'm Happy

As I sit here on Sunday night, getting ready to get into another work week, I realized I'm feeling something I haven't in a long time. I'm happy. Now obviously things aren't perfect. There are still troubles in my life. I miss my mom every day. There is something each and every day I wish I could tell her about the things going on in my life, some important, some completely trivial. I also miss my dad, brother and the rest of my family. But, for the first time since my mom passed, I really feel happy. I've got great friends, a good job and there is a lady of whom I'm very fond in my life. I know this post is pretty unimportant in the scheme of things, but it was just something I was feeling that I wanted to get written down.

It Is Done

I've made it through three of the most difficult days I will likely face in my life. We had the viewing for my mom on Wednesday. It was really hard to see her lifeless body again. Depending on where you were standing, she looked like herself, or she didn't. I know she is no longer in that shell, so that is what I had to rely on. I would be comfortable in saying there were probably between five and seven hundred people during the two hour (really was more like three and a half hour) viewing. She touched so many people. We were surrounded by friends, family and prayers. I haven't shook so many hands or hugged so many people in my life.

The funeral took place yesterday, Thursday, Jan. 6, 2011. It really was a beautiful service. The flowers were amazing and the casket we picked out was lovely. I didn't count, but there were at least a hundred people there, probably more. One of her nieces and one of her nephews were able to speak. I would have liked to, but I honestly didn't know what to say, and I don't think I would have been able to get more than a word or two out before I broke down. Her music was a mix of hymns and more current songs. She requested "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood, "Amazing Grace" - I chose the Susan Boyle version, and "It's True" by Ivan somebody. Dusty and I came up with the fourth song - "Song for Mama" by Boyz II Men. Boyz II Men probably aren't played at too many funerals, but the song really spoke to us. She really was the queen of our world.

My best friend from elementary school surprised me and showed up at the service. At the time  I was really just shaking hands and hugging people, somewhat in a daze, and not even really knowing who I was talking to. When I saw him, I was able to smile and I really appreciated him coming. I hadn't seen him since the mid-90s.

After the service at the funeral home, we made the five minute drive to the cemetery, where we had another short service (after all, it was cold out there!). It too was very nice and attended by many. She was laid to rest next to her still-born son and two plots away from her mother that died a little less than a year and a half ago.

From there, we went to my grandpa's church, where the congregation had prepared a feast fit for a king. Most of the people that attended the graveside service also followed to the church, so we were able to talk and reminisce about the great life she led and enjoy a time of fellowship and comfort.

So, while these days were so hard, they were also a great comfort. My mom will be so missed, but I know she is always with us. The coming days, weeks and months will surely bring times of sadness, but with friends and family, it will be lessened. In closing, I offer the words my mom wrote in her journal and the words that were used throughout her service. Love is Forever. God is Love.

- C

Arrangements

Today we went to the funeral home and made the arrangements for mom's services. She is being memorialized and buried in the town where she and my dad grew up and where most of our extended family lives. You can find her obituary here (http://www.willisfuneralhome.com/ - click on Vicki Johnson on the right of the page). Thanks again for reading and for all of your support over the past six years. I know mom is in a better place with no more suffering and no more pain.

Calling hours - 6 - 8 p.m. (eastern) on Wednesday, Jan. 5
Funeral - 11 a.m. (eastern) on Thursday, Jan. 6

The End

I just wanted to let everyone know that my mother passed away at about 8:05 p.m. eastern time tonight. She fought this awful disease of cancer for six years. She is my hero now and always. RIP Vicki Johnson - 1954 - 2011.

The battle is coming to a close

Oh, how I hate to write this post. My mom has battled for nearly six years now. She's had good times and bad times. She's been steadily declining for the past few weeks. Yesterday she really turned for the worse. She had absolutely no energy, was vomiting on occasion and just generally felt terrible. Then she became more and more confused and agitated. We had to make the difficult decision to call in hospice last night. Right now me, my brother and dad, as well as her father, sister, two brothers and two nieces are here. We don't know how long this might go on, but we are clearly nearing the end of her battle. So, if you can, please say a little prayer or give us some good thoughts as we deal with this.

The Roller Coaster Ride Continues

Mom's situation took a downward turn over the past several days. Her color was getting yellow again and she was feeling worse. She had an appointment scheduled for Monday with her oncologist, so she saw him and he told her that her level had increased quite a bit, so the duct is blocked again. He told her that she would need to get an external drain put in. She was scheduled for a CT scan on Tuesday. We did that and then heard from her oncologist's office this morning that the vascular radiologist said that they couldn't do an external drain because of where the blockage is. So, now we are down to her going in and getting larger stents put in. It looks like this is our final option, so we are hoping and praying that this works. Thanks for listening. It helps to be able to write things down.

-C

What a difference a week makes

So, here is a thought - doctors aren't always right. The hospital doctors had us all thinking my mom's time was short and we were nearing the end. We always kept some hope in reserve for her appointment with her real oncologist today. Well, come to find out, that was a good plan. He said that her liver is still functioning and the number they've been watching has continued to drop since they put the stent in (that is a good thing). He also said that the amazing thing is that the cancer hasn't changed since the last time they did a scan, which was in January, after she finished radiation. He said that blockage to her duct was likely caused by inflammation or scar tissue created by the radiation itself.

So, she is supposed to continue getting her blood work done each week to see if that number continues to decrease. If it levels off before it gets low enough, they may still have to consider putting in a drain to help it rid itself of the extra fluid.

Thank God for miracles! This is pretty amazing stuff. Last week at this time, we all thought she was going to die soon. This week, we have her oncologist saying to turn the "live" light back on because she's nowhere close to the end.

That's all for now!

- C

Lastest news on my mom

Mom had her appointment with the oncologist and surgeon this morning. She had her PT scan last week to make sure they knew exactly what they were dealing with. We originally thought there was one spot on the liver and two cancerous lymph nodes. The PT scan showed there are actually four spots on the liver and the two lymph nodes. The surgeon said that he took nearly half of the liver the last time she had surgery, and while it does grow back, it doesn't have the same functioning ability after it grows back, so he can't take from the other side of the liver.

They are going to do radioactive seed therapy. She'll start out for a week with an oral chemo drug, which basically lights up the cancer areas and then they go in through a blood vessel with small instruments and place radioactive pellets in the liver to destroy the cancer cells. If that all goes okay and works well, they will likely then do some "clean up" of the areas with radiowave ablation treatment (where they burn the affected areas with high-frequency radiowaves).

This is all still very preliminary, but it is the recommended plan and there is no major surgery coming up. Unfortunately, the major surgery would have had the best chance at permanent success. It is clearly an on-going battle.

Quick Update

Just got back from a great visit to Texas. I enjoyed seeing many of my friends.

Anyway, my mom had a doctor's appointment today. The oncologist said that her cancer marker number has gone way down with the chemo regimen she's on. He said that he wants her to do two more treatments and then they will do a CT scan to determine the next steps. So, it is good news so far. My mom is upbeat about it, since the chemo is working.

- C

The end

My last post was on July 27th. In that post, I mentioned that my grandmother had been informed that she had a maximum of six months to live. Well, it turns out that was a very generous estimate. She passed away on August 16th, about three weeks later.

My aunt called in Hospice on Friday, Aug. 14th, when it became apparent that the pain was getting worse and she needed more intense treatment. They came and let us know that she didn't have much time left, and if we wanted to talk to her, we needed to do so immediately. She continued to speak with us well into Saturday, Aug. 15th. By Saturday night, she was no longer talking. She was on pain medicine and her breathing was shallow.

On Sunday morning, at about 9:30 a.m., she drew her last breath, just about the time she'd normally be starting church. It was a beautiful, sunny morning. My grandpa had decided earlier that he was not going to church on that morning, but he went on to get his church clothes on, splash on some cologne, etc. After she died, I realized that he knew that she wouldn't be there after that day. He got dressed up to see her off. I found out later that both he and my mom had prayed earlier that morning for a quick end to her suffering.

My grandpa, mom, aunt, two uncles, two cousins and myself were all there when she died. It was very peaceful - no laboring, no gasping, etc. I know my grandma was so tired of hospitals, so it was fitting that she was able to die at home.

We had her viewing this past Wednesday evening. There were well over 500 people there. She touched a ton of people in her life. She was the epitome of a good person. The funeral was held on Thursday afternoon. Everything was perfect. The sermon, the flowers, the casket - everything. I was able to help with some of the services. I wrote the obituary, put together a picture slideshow and created the CDs with the music for the service.

The forecast called for rain all day, but when we made our way to the cemetery for the graveside service, the sun was shining brightly and all was well. We then made our way to her church, where they had prepared a meal for the family and friends. As we were finishing up at the church, it started to pour outside. This lasted for five minutes or so. Afterward, everyone began making their way to the cars. We noticed a double rainbow. It seemed to be almost pointing at the church at one end. the other end seemed to be going to the cemetery and it was visible for more than 10 minutes. It almost seemed like she was telling us goodbye and letting us know she was okay.

I spent the better part of the week before she passed at her house. In fact, I've spent a lot of time with her over the past three years, since I moved back to Ohio from Texas. I feel so lucky that I was able to be around her so much. I see now just how important it was that I make the move. I miss all of my friends dearly, but family is just too important to ignore.

Two posts in one day - What?

I actually wish I weren't posting a second update today. I got a call from my aunt a few hours ago and she said she had been talking to my grandpa and he got a call from my grandma's oncologist today. Basically, the cancer has taken over the liver and there is nothing they can do. Best estimate is she may have six months to live. It was a very sobering moment for me. I was the first grandchild and she has been a huge part of my life. I can't hardly imagine a world where she isn't there.

My mom wasn't home when my aunt called, so I had to inform her when she got back. That is not something I ever wanted to or imagined telling my mom. She handled it like a champ - we've all known for a while that my grandma's time here is coming to an end, but it seems like such a finality when they put a timestamp on it.

Some more updates

Just a quick update.

My grandma is still in the hospital. They seem to be figuring out what all is wrong in Columbus much better than they did at her small, hometown hospital. They said she may get out on Sunday, but we'll see.

My aunt is doing great after her colon surgery - she's probably getting out of the hospital tomorrow to continue recuperating at home.

My mom had her chemo this week and they came to take her infusion pump off on Thursday morning. She did really well this time around and she's feeling tired, but otherwise, pretty good.

My grandpa (on my dad's side) was admitted to the hospital on Thursday, with what they initially thought may be a heart attack. They've since ruled out the heart attack, but it seems that he's in poor shape and may be on his last leg. We'll have to see what happens there.

That's about it from here. I'm a bit overwhelmed, but I figure I'll make it through it. I'll update again soon.

- C

Update

Hello all. Just a quick update (see - I'm trying to do better - it hasn't been three months between updates this time).

Mom starts chemo on Tuesday. She was supposed to start last Monday, but ended up getting a sinus infection the week before, so she wasn't able to do chemo while on antibiotics. The plan at the moment is four treatments, then evaluate for the next steps. Hopefully something minimally invasive.

My grandma isn't doing so hot. She's been in the hospital since Wednesday. Her magnesium and potassium levels are very low and she was very fatigued. The oncolgist says it is from her chemo which she is temporarily off of because of this stuff. This is the second or third time she's been in the hospital since my last update.

My aunt is having surgery on Tuesday for divreticulitis, which is a colon inflamation disorder. They will be removing a portion of her colon, so it is a pretty major surgery. I'm planning on going to the hospital to stay while it is taking place, since my mom will not be able to, due to the chemo treatment that day.

Still job hunting. I've sent out several resumes lately, but no bites. I believe the competition is super furious right now. I've been doing a bit of merchandising and other independent contractor work for the past month or so, trying to make a little money, so at least it is something to do.

The only other thing of note is that I've recently purchased a domain name and I'm working on a website. Pretty much just something for fun. Once I get it going, I'll be sure to post a link so you can all come visit!

That's all for now. See you peeps later!

- C

An update aka I suck at blogging

Good afternoon good readers, if there are any of you left. Firstly, I am here to admit that I am a terrible blogger, especially during warmer months. Secondly, I do have some updates.

My mom is still doing well after her stroke and series of seizures. She has seen the neurologist twice since late-February when all of that happened. They said she is doing great, and actually cleared her to drive again (initially we were told at least a year for that). She went to see her oncologist last week and they indicated that her latest blood work showed that the cancer marker has begun rising again, so she is beginning chemo again in two weeks. She'll do that for about two months and then there is a possibility that they will implant radioactive seeds into the cancerous area to try to eradicate it. All of that sounds much better than another major surgery. She seems to be doing fine with this news. That may be because she is leaving tomorrow for a resort in the Dominican Republic for five days with my dad. Party at my place - who hoo!!

My grandmother is currently receiving chemo for her pancreatic cancer, but her oncologist has warned how deadly the disease is and that this is basically just a treatment to see if she can maintain her current health, not a cure of any kind. She has her good and bad days, but seems to be handling things okay.

As far as I go, I am still job hunting. I rarely find any jobs to apply for, but I keep searching. I know sometime soon, something will work out for me. On a happy note, however, I have lost about 42 pounds since the last week of February, so I'm feeling better physically than I have in many years. I've still got a lot of work to do on the weight loss, but I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished so far.

A long overdue update

Hello blog readers. It has been a long time. I've missed you! Just a few updates here.

My mom's health took a turn for the worse in February. I drove to Dallas in mid-February for a nice week-long getaway from everything and to catch up with all of my friends. I got to Dallas on Friday morning and on Friday evening, I received a call from my dad, telling me that my mom had possibly had a stroke and was in the emergency room. While my first instinct was to immediately turn around and go home, both my dad and mom thought it best that I stay in Dallas. I ended up cutting my trip by three days, but did stay for a few days after it seemed that things had stabilized with my mom's condition.

She was at her sister's house when she had the stroke and luckily, my aunt is a long-time RN, so she was able to care for her immediately. They had the emergency squad come and pick her up and take her to the local hospital (this all happened about two hours away from where we live). After she was stabilized at the local hospital, the decision was made to CareFlight her to her regular hospital, Ohio State University Medical Center in Columbus, since she regularly goes there for her cancer treatments.

She was admitted at OSU very late Friday night. She ended up staying at OSU through the following Wednesday, when she was finally released after numerous tests and procedures. During all of this, she suffered from seizures, likely caused by the trauma to the brain by the stroke. They also diagnosed her as a diabetic during this stay at the hospital and determined that her cholesterol levels were astronomical (side note - I'm convinced that the diabetes and the cholesterol were directly influenced by her chemotherapy treatments).

By the time I got home, she was at home, doing good, albeit with a ton of new pills to take each day and a large number of new doctors.

She's now doing very well, eating much better, exercising daily and effectively controlling her blood sugar. She's seen the neurologist since that time and they've been slowly lowering her anti-seizure medication and that has also been working out well.

As far as her cancer goes, she saw her oncologist last week and he wants to hold off on resuming treatments for a while, while her body adjusts to all of these new medicines, if everything looks okay on the CT scan she is having this morning. She goes back to the oncologist next Monday to get the results from the scan and if things look stable, it'll likely be about two months before she gets back into the chemotherapy.

At her last oncologist appointment before all of this happened, they did mention that the spot on her liver was shrinking and that they were thinking they'd do four more chemo treatments and then, rather than a full-blown surgery, they would do a radio wave ablation, with is an out-patient procedure where they basically burn the damaged area of the liver away with a small instrument.

My grandmother's news has not been great either. In January, she met with my mom's oncologist and it was determined that her cancer has indeed returned, and there are no surgeries they can do to remove it. She goes back for another CT scan in early April and at that point, they will determine next steps. She may end up doing chemotherapy, but the doctor wants to be sure to not ruin her quality of life, so he needs to find a balance.

Also, I am still jobless, but that may be a blessing with all of the things going on with my mom. Due to her seizures, she is unable to drive for at least a year, so I have in essence become a taxi service, but I don't mind.

That is all for now - I will update when I know more.

- C

End of the Year Update

Hello all. I hope this update finds you all doing well and finished with your Christmas shopping so you have some time to enjoy the season!

Sorry for the lack of updates - I know it seems like I start each of my blog postings with that apology. Hopefully I'll do better updating throughout 2009.

My mom is still going through her chemo treatments. We're hoping that she'll be done with those before too long. I'll update again once we know more.

My job search is not going too well. It is not a great time to be job hunting when the world economy is in the toilet. I'm trying to keep my chin up however. Hopefully the first of the year will bring more opportunities.

I wish you all the very best holiday season and a most prosperous new year. Hope to hear from you all soon!

- C

Another update

Just a quick update on my mom's condition. She started her second chemo treatment today. She will be at the halfway mark of her chemo after this one is done. Then, on to the surgery, which we will get more information on in the weeks to come. So far with these treatments she hasn't been too sick, just exhausted. I'll post more when I have it. Thanks for caring!

- C

Update on my mom's condition

Sorry for the lack of posts - haven't had too much to talk about lately. I do have an update on mom's cancer situation however. She finished up her chemotherapy in early September. She then had a CT scan which showed that the spot on her liver had shrunk to about half the size it was when they began, which was excellent news. They then had her do a PT scan, which actually detects cancerous activity, rather than just showing a picture of the liver. She went in to see a surgeon and her oncologist on Monday to see how they would proceed. When she spoke to the oncologist a couple of weeks ago he pretty much told her that they would probably want to do another surgery to remove that part of the liver or do what is called a radio wave ablation, which essentially means they would insert a needle into the suspect spot on the liver and burn that area out with high frequency radio waves. So, she was pretty much expecting a surgery or at the very least some sort of procedure to be coming up soon.

Well, here's the good news - the surgeon said that he's not convinced that the spot is actually cancerous - he feels like it is the scar tissue from the last surgery in April shrinking down. He said that to him, the PT scan did not show it to be cancer. Basically, he all but said that he feels she is currently cancer-free. He said at this point they just want to watch it, so she goes back in for tests again in late December. He said that if things are clear still at that point, he'll have her come in every three months after that for tests. So, she basically got news that was better than anything she could have expected.

It is like a weight has been lifted off of her and she seems so much happier now than she has been in quite a few months. So, with continued prayers, we will hope that this cancer stays away for good and is defeated! Thanks to all of you for your support, love and well wishes! It is all very much appreciated.