I know I haven't posted in a while. Been pretty busy. I hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas. I enjoyed both holidays with friends this year, as I was unable to return to Ohio for either. Tonight is New Year's Eve and I will be celebrating with a great group of friends.
The holidays have been hard in some ways. Of course, it was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mom. It was also my first time to spend the holidays without any of my family. I'm so lucky to have the friends I do here.
My mom's birthday would have been Dec. 29. In some ways that day was harder than the others. That was her day - not a holiday celebrated by all. I had some pretty hard times that day.
Today is the one year anniversary of my grandfather's death, and tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my mom's death. It is in some ways so hard to believe it has been a year, but in other ways, it seems like an eternity. Not a day goes by where I don't want to just pick up the phone and talk to her or give her a big hug. One day!
Happy New Year to you all and all my best for a great 2012!
- C
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Things are so different now
A few days have passed now since the funeral. Family and friends still call to check in, but not as often. My dad and brother have returned to work. I'm left here to sort through things during the days - and it is hard. Little things can bring on a reaction.
I was going through the items in her purse and found a Kohl's receipt from Dec. 19 - she was shopping just two weeks before her death! At first, it was upsetting that she could do that and now she's gone, but then I thought back to that day. I was the one that took her to Kohl's. I dropped her at the door because she didn't want me to go in with her (in case she found a Christmas present for me).
I waited in the car and pulled up when she was ready to go in about 10 minutes. She got in the car and she started crying. It was all she could do to shop for 10 minutes and it really got to her. When she was healthy, she always wanted to go, go, go. Now, she couldn't even really go to Kohl's for 10 minutes. It was really traumatic at the time, but now I see it as a sign from her that she was ready to go and she didn't want to live a life like that.
A few days later, while we were sitting in the living room, she asked me if it was terrible that she sometimes just wished she could fall asleep and not wake up. I assured her that it wasn't terrible and that it seemed perfectly normal to me.
So, with thoughts like that, I just have a little cry for a minute, think of how much she went through to stay with us as long as she did, and get back to work. That's what she would have wanted!
- C
I was going through the items in her purse and found a Kohl's receipt from Dec. 19 - she was shopping just two weeks before her death! At first, it was upsetting that she could do that and now she's gone, but then I thought back to that day. I was the one that took her to Kohl's. I dropped her at the door because she didn't want me to go in with her (in case she found a Christmas present for me).
I waited in the car and pulled up when she was ready to go in about 10 minutes. She got in the car and she started crying. It was all she could do to shop for 10 minutes and it really got to her. When she was healthy, she always wanted to go, go, go. Now, she couldn't even really go to Kohl's for 10 minutes. It was really traumatic at the time, but now I see it as a sign from her that she was ready to go and she didn't want to live a life like that.
A few days later, while we were sitting in the living room, she asked me if it was terrible that she sometimes just wished she could fall asleep and not wake up. I assured her that it wasn't terrible and that it seemed perfectly normal to me.
So, with thoughts like that, I just have a little cry for a minute, think of how much she went through to stay with us as long as she did, and get back to work. That's what she would have wanted!
- C
Saturday, January 01, 2011
The End
I just wanted to let everyone know that my mother passed away at about 8:05 p.m. eastern time tonight. She fought this awful disease of cancer for six years. She is my hero now and always. RIP Vicki Johnson - 1954 - 2011.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The end
My last post was on July 27th. In that post, I mentioned that my grandmother had been informed that she had a maximum of six months to live. Well, it turns out that was a very generous estimate. She passed away on August 16th, about three weeks later.
My aunt called in Hospice on Friday, Aug. 14th, when it became apparent that the pain was getting worse and she needed more intense treatment. They came and let us know that she didn't have much time left, and if we wanted to talk to her, we needed to do so immediately. She continued to speak with us well into Saturday, Aug. 15th. By Saturday night, she was no longer talking. She was on pain medicine and her breathing was shallow.
On Sunday morning, at about 9:30 a.m., she drew her last breath, just about the time she'd normally be starting church. It was a beautiful, sunny morning. My grandpa had decided earlier that he was not going to church on that morning, but he went on to get his church clothes on, splash on some cologne, etc. After she died, I realized that he knew that she wouldn't be there after that day. He got dressed up to see her off. I found out later that both he and my mom had prayed earlier that morning for a quick end to her suffering.
My grandpa, mom, aunt, two uncles, two cousins and myself were all there when she died. It was very peaceful - no laboring, no gasping, etc. I know my grandma was so tired of hospitals, so it was fitting that she was able to die at home.
We had her viewing this past Wednesday evening. There were well over 500 people there. She touched a ton of people in her life. She was the epitome of a good person. The funeral was held on Thursday afternoon. Everything was perfect. The sermon, the flowers, the casket - everything. I was able to help with some of the services. I wrote the obituary, put together a picture slideshow and created the CDs with the music for the service.
The forecast called for rain all day, but when we made our way to the cemetery for the graveside service, the sun was shining brightly and all was well. We then made our way to her church, where they had prepared a meal for the family and friends. As we were finishing up at the church, it started to pour outside. This lasted for five minutes or so. Afterward, everyone began making their way to the cars. We noticed a double rainbow. It seemed to be almost pointing at the church at one end. the other end seemed to be going to the cemetery and it was visible for more than 10 minutes. It almost seemed like she was telling us goodbye and letting us know she was okay.
I spent the better part of the week before she passed at her house. In fact, I've spent a lot of time with her over the past three years, since I moved back to Ohio from Texas. I feel so lucky that I was able to be around her so much. I see now just how important it was that I make the move. I miss all of my friends dearly, but family is just too important to ignore.
My aunt called in Hospice on Friday, Aug. 14th, when it became apparent that the pain was getting worse and she needed more intense treatment. They came and let us know that she didn't have much time left, and if we wanted to talk to her, we needed to do so immediately. She continued to speak with us well into Saturday, Aug. 15th. By Saturday night, she was no longer talking. She was on pain medicine and her breathing was shallow.
On Sunday morning, at about 9:30 a.m., she drew her last breath, just about the time she'd normally be starting church. It was a beautiful, sunny morning. My grandpa had decided earlier that he was not going to church on that morning, but he went on to get his church clothes on, splash on some cologne, etc. After she died, I realized that he knew that she wouldn't be there after that day. He got dressed up to see her off. I found out later that both he and my mom had prayed earlier that morning for a quick end to her suffering.
My grandpa, mom, aunt, two uncles, two cousins and myself were all there when she died. It was very peaceful - no laboring, no gasping, etc. I know my grandma was so tired of hospitals, so it was fitting that she was able to die at home.
We had her viewing this past Wednesday evening. There were well over 500 people there. She touched a ton of people in her life. She was the epitome of a good person. The funeral was held on Thursday afternoon. Everything was perfect. The sermon, the flowers, the casket - everything. I was able to help with some of the services. I wrote the obituary, put together a picture slideshow and created the CDs with the music for the service.
The forecast called for rain all day, but when we made our way to the cemetery for the graveside service, the sun was shining brightly and all was well. We then made our way to her church, where they had prepared a meal for the family and friends. As we were finishing up at the church, it started to pour outside. This lasted for five minutes or so. Afterward, everyone began making their way to the cars. We noticed a double rainbow. It seemed to be almost pointing at the church at one end. the other end seemed to be going to the cemetery and it was visible for more than 10 minutes. It almost seemed like she was telling us goodbye and letting us know she was okay.
I spent the better part of the week before she passed at her house. In fact, I've spent a lot of time with her over the past three years, since I moved back to Ohio from Texas. I feel so lucky that I was able to be around her so much. I see now just how important it was that I make the move. I miss all of my friends dearly, but family is just too important to ignore.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Two posts in one day - What?
I actually wish I weren't posting a second update today. I got a call from my aunt a few hours ago and she said she had been talking to my grandpa and he got a call from my grandma's oncologist today. Basically, the cancer has taken over the liver and there is nothing they can do. Best estimate is she may have six months to live. It was a very sobering moment for me. I was the first grandchild and she has been a huge part of my life. I can't hardly imagine a world where she isn't there.
My mom wasn't home when my aunt called, so I had to inform her when she got back. That is not something I ever wanted to or imagined telling my mom. She handled it like a champ - we've all known for a while that my grandma's time here is coming to an end, but it seems like such a finality when they put a timestamp on it.
My mom wasn't home when my aunt called, so I had to inform her when she got back. That is not something I ever wanted to or imagined telling my mom. She handled it like a champ - we've all known for a while that my grandma's time here is coming to an end, but it seems like such a finality when they put a timestamp on it.
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